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Nervous. And yet, there's something seductive about edgy people. Something compelling that draws you in while it makes you nervous. Especially when they're as beautiful and sexy as Rachel.She has an edge to her. I've never met someone quite like this. The edge is the road less traveled. The edge is where the spice is. The edge is the thrill. The view. And isn't that part of the attraction for some of us? It's certainly true for me. It feels like Rachel isn't completely housebroken but I'm hard pressed to define exactly what that means. Yet on some level ... perhaps the innocence in her eyes ... she appears to be a highly moral person with strong values and a good heart. Maybe she's pushed life's envelope more than most. And if her journey hasn't been mainstream, neither has mine. And while I talk about her being edgy, she's saying the same thing about me. And like the Piper Laurie character in the original Carrie..."she liked it".We snuck around all of December, neither of us having. Several were former lovers of mine, so cold and unfeeling inthe way they were treating me at that point that I could not imagine howI had ever slept with them.I reached for the closed training room door. A watermelon-sized stickymass of abject fear sloshed around inside my tummy.Did I say tummy? Oh my God! I meant in my stomach. I know, I know.You're a therapist, and therapists are so accepting. But I need you tosee the real me, not this woman you see before you. Oh really? Well,I'll have you know, young man, that I'm doing my very best to be the manI wished I could be again, and it's so hard! No, thank you, I have ahankie in my purse, and I have promised myself I will not cry, no matterwhat.Anyway, where was I? Oh! As I was saying before you tried to distractme by offering that tissue, I would think a therapist would be just abit more understanding and not make premature judgments. Am I beingperfectly clear now? Just because I look and act like a woman--OK, Iunderstand. .
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